To Be or Not To Be
by undefined
Summary: Hermione wants to understand things.


Title: To Be or Not to Be  
Author: Undefined  
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Co. belongs to J.K. Rowling, WB, or whoever else wants to sue me  
Comments: The whole "hermione wanting to understand" idea came from Inna. She wanted to write a fic with it but couldn't, and for some reason thought I could do a better job. Well, I indulged her and wrote it. I tried to be anti-cliche and suceeded in that, but I don't know about the quality... 

~*~*~ 

"Let's see...that's eight in a row?" Ron counted on his fingers. "This just isn't your day, is it?" He mock-smiled at Hermione, whom he had just beaten at chess eight consecutive times in one sitting. 

She was obviously not pleased. With a pout she mumbled, "I don't know how you do it." 

Ron smirked with satisfaction. 

"You just wait 'til we get our marks for last term back," she said regaining her composure. 

Her friend's smile faded. "You're too smart for your own good," he said. 

Just then Harry walked in. "Hey guys." Surveying the scene he laughed, "losing at chess again, Hermy? You just can't get enough, can you?" 

They all chuckled. "I'll get him one of these days," she replied. 

She suddenly looked really put out. "If only I had gone to a normal..." she murmured. Neither Harry nor Ron could tell what she said. Harry gave her a quizzical look, and Ron raised an eyebrow at her. But she answered by leaving for the night. The two left-over friends shrugged, and followed her example. 

--- 

"Okay everyone," said Profesor Flitwick, "we're going to learn how to make objects multiply." 

Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Neville were sharing a desk in Charms. They were working on making more and more dead worms. 

Neville shuddered. "Why can't we work with something less....squishy?" 

Hermione giggled. "Tetrate," she said as her wand flicked at a worm. Three more identical worms appeared. She seemed pleased, but not satified. 

Ron, who was poking the worm instead of quadrupling it, looked at her in question, "'S something wrong?" 

Instead of answering him Hermione raised her hand and Profesor Flitwick hurried over. 

He asked Ron's question with his eyes. "There can't be something that you can't handle, Miss Granger! This isn't too dificult." 

With a weak smile, Hermione asked her question, "Why does this work?" 

Flitwick blinked a few times. "I don't understand your question." 

"Why," Hermione continued, "does this worm quadruple when I point my wand at it and speak the right word. _Why?_" 

The professor went from confusion to frustration. He tapped his foot in annoyance. "That's one of the most irrelevant questions I've ever heard," he squeaked. "It works because you said Tetrate! What is there not to understand?" He threw his hands into the air. 

Hermione stamped her foot childishly, "Explain why!" 

Ron gaped in horror - Hermione rarely lost control. Escpecally to a teacher. The only time this had happened before was with Professor Trelawny. He was so distracted that his hand unconciously continued jabbing at the worm. In fact, it went right through, and worm juice flowed towards Nevielle. Disgusted, the little blond boy gaged. 

Flitwick and Hermione glared at each other for a minute. Finally the profesor broke it off saying, "You're being rude and insolent. 20 points from Gryffindor." He dismissed the class. 

The trio went off to the Great Hall. Ron and Harry were still in awe. 

"What?" Hermione snapped at them as they stared at her poke forcefully at her food. 

Both boys stuttered to answer. "I think you've finally flipped," said Ron. He was still gaping. 

She rolled her eyes and said something of mock affirmation. Then Hermione hurried to her favorite refuge and place of worship: the library. 

"What *is* it about that place?" The boys laughed at their friend. 

--- 

That evening Hermione challenged Ron to a chess game again. He won without much trouble. This went on for a week. Hermione spent all her time in the library, which wan't too unusual but still puzzling. And every evening she challenged Ron to a game of chess; which he always won. 

Then it happened. 

Hermione stopped paying attention to her studies. 

She went to class, ate, and presumably slept, but the rest of the times she spent in her dormitory. Lavender and Parvati told everyone she had a trunk full of non-school related books, and she read them all the time. The only other thing she did was play chess with Ron. Every night, one game. This drove everyone insane. 

The teachers were concerned, the students were concerned, even Draco Malfoy couldn't think of a good snide remark. 

One evening, Hermione wasn't there for the usual chess game. Ron was getting very worried, and paced up and down the common room. When she entered, he was so relieved that he tripped over his own feet. Regaining his composure, Ron rushed over to Harry, who had dozed off over his History of Magic homework, and they both rushed to Hermione. 

She had the detrermined look on her face that the boys had seen before. It was the look Hermione gets when she's going to do something that will be disaproved of, but she goes into it blindly. 

"Where've you been?" Ron asked impatiently. 

"Talking with Proffesor Dumbledore," Hermione replied as though this were an every-day event. 

"Argh...are you going to tell us what's going on or not?" Ron asked angrily. The frustration of the past few weeks had finally gotten to him and exploded. 

"Fine! But calm down Ron, it's nothing bad." She said just as hotly, but cooled down in the end. 

Harry, Ron and Hermione sat down on a couch. The boys were relaxed, but anxious to know what the deal was. Hermione began calmly, "Well, it all started with chess. I was really upset that Ron was beating me all the time, I mean, every single time..." Harry snorted causing Hermione to glare at him. 

"Go on Herm!" Ron urged. 

She did, "So I started reading up on chess, trying to strategize. Nothing worked though, which was very off-putting. Then...I don't know what caused it....but I started wondering about things, scientifically. All the science I knew was what I'd learned up to the point of 11, which isn't much. I was so confused!" 

Hermione sounded really passionate but also very nervous. She was twisting her hair into knots as she spoke. "Well, I started wondering about everything. Don't you ever want to know things like why the sky is blue? Or more about the stars than your stupid horoscope?" 

Harry and Ron blinked and shook their heads. 

"Well I do! I want to understand things! I am so sick of just waving my wand and having things multiply or open or whatever. It's amazing and all, but it doesn't make sense." 

The boys were silent. "So you asked Dumbledore why magic works?" Harry said after a beat. 

She hesitated, "Not exactly. I know he's not different from Flitwick in that he doesn't understand the mechanics of it. I -um- toldhimIwantedtoleaveHogwarts." 

Ron jumped up in rage, but Harry didn't even understand what she said because she had spoken so fast. Ron cleared it up, "She asked him to let her leave! She's leaving us forever just so can know why the bloody sky is blue!" 

Hermione stayed silent. So did Harry. After the red of anger left Ron's face he was silent too. 

"I'm sorry," Hermione whispered. "I'm going insane here. It's like-" 

"What?" Harry encouraged her, his voice low. 

Hermione stood up and walked over to the chess set and fiddled with some peices. She picked up the queen who protested loudly. "I'm like this queen," Hermione said, "she can do anything. She can move back and forth, side to side, diagonally, but she can't do anything until the pawns get out of her way." 

Ron got angry again, "So we're in your way? Is that what you're saying?" 

"No! I'm saying I know I can understand so much, and do it all, but this...the magical community stops me. No one here understands." Her eyes welled up with tears as she looked at her two best friends. 

Ron became silent and reserved, "Whatever you want Hermione. Have a nice life." With that he left the common room. 

Hermione turned to Harry with pleading eyes, "I'm so sorry Harry." 

"It's okay," he said, "I sort of understand. Are you sure there's nothing that can make you stay?" 

She looked wistfully up the staircase to where Ron had gone, and back at Harry, and whispered no. 

She then hugged Harry and ran away crying. 

--- 

Hermione was going home with Easter Break and not coming back. There was a week until then. She went to class as usual, her behavior didn't change too much; except for the fact that she wasn't as eager to participate. Everyone else treated her like she had some sort of disease. The teachers left her well enough alone, and the students went through great pains to avoid her. 

She was sad, but still determined. Harry wanted to stay with her so she wouldn't be so lonely, but he didn't want to lose Ron's friendship again. Since he knew Hermione would be leaving soon her friendship didn't matter as much. This was something she understood, and acknowleged it with a nod and smile each time she passed him. 

She bid farewell to all of the teachers. Proffessor McGonagall was escpecially upset, and showed an odd amount of emotion by hugging Hermione and crying. Only Hermione heard her whisper, "You're doing what I never dared do. Be proud of your decision, it shows bravery." Hermione looked her in the eye, thanked her, and left. 

Headmaster Dumbledore was grave, but the twinkle in his eye remained. During the last dinner he would have with Hermione, he bid her farewell. 

"This is what you were meant to do. However, if you ever feel the need to return, our doors are always open." 

Hermione's eyes welled up with tears for the second time that day. Again, she thanked the Headmaster, turned around, and walked away. 

--- 

On the morning of the first day of Easter Holiday, Ron woke up early. By his bed he found a package. He opened it, and found a new chess board, and two new queen peices. One black and one white. He knew instantly who it was from, and ran down to the common room. Finding no one there, he ran outside just in time to see the Hogwarts Express speed away. 

~*~*~ 

I hope this was better than it looks to me. I'd appreciate any feedback, escpecially if it's constructive. Thanks for reading!


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